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The E-lated pan-virtual subatomic fanzine-based hyper information super-service brought to you this week in association with Len's Chronology Reordering Services for chrono needs your logical all reordering. Issue 5
Extreme protests by anarchists calling for an end to stupidity in publishing resulted in a two (4) week hiatus for Adenews. Commenting for Man-Mountain Megacorp, publishers of Adenews, Mr Theodore Penning-Lyons said: I don't understand what these people want. They have proposed no alternative to stupidity. It is the way our society has operated for a thousand years and I see no reason to stop now. Fifteen anti-stupidity campaigners are now in jail having passed up the opportunity for mindlessness and violence in favour of a nice cup of tea and a fruit scone. In an exclusive interview with Adenews, one of the terrorists said: I lost my faith in stupidity some years ago - I just could not see the point any more. Speaking on behalf of the Government, Lord Wobbly Strainknees Thin of Twit commented: I'd set my dog on them, but frankly, his teeth are far too valuable. Eric Cantona is 42.
From Brigardier Sir Hugo Faizup BMX and BAR Sir Re: Banongo Dancing I would like to point out that the deplorable habit of modern youth, currently sweeping the fashionable night clubs of the nation's major cities may have alarming side-effects, only some of which can be imagined. For instance, why are our youngsters not keener to help their grandparents around the garden? Instead they are out so-called Banongo Dancing, when quite frankly the long term health effects have not been properly considered. I would urge a policy of caution and prevarication and look to your esteemed publication to help fight this disease which is spreading like very thin butter. Editor's reply: The Adenews Virtual Banongo Interactive Webcast Extraveganza can be found here From Mr J Arthur Finwizz of Excrement Sir Re: Adenews 4 I protest, this issue is early, if we continue like this we will receive far more copies than are strictly necessary, particularly if it's a leap year (a bugger on the knees you know) or worse they should make the years longer. Any way I never read this stuff but was really disappointed to note that you mention the League for Depressed Animals without giving us the latest tables. The last I heard Tibbles had come second in the 'Manx 24 Hour Really Pissed Off Cat Race', how are we to follow minority sports in this country? And finally, with a new marketing hat (green), I can see a bright future for the ManMountain Theme Park as a rebadged quasi-religious grotto. It seems to have all the right qualities; a large bloke lying in a field, nic-knack parlour, ice cream stall & themed bar. If we can get some uniforms together we can even rope the Germans in. Please look into the possibility of reconciling some kind of high flying takeover bid with our current ongoing liquidity deficit whilst still allowing us to come out top dog. That should sort the $ problem.
Auntie Mavis Batworthy answers your questions on love, life and fruit related issues. Dear Auntie Mavis My bananas are all coming out straight. What should I do? Mr J Banongo, Barbados Dear Mr J I find that tying small weights to my bananas about two months before harvesting solves this problem. My neighbour, Uncle Sam Enttedin swears by coat hangers (and also verbally sometimes). Dear Auntie Mavis My girlfriend says my raspberries are too tart and I wondered what you would recommend. Mr P Nootbitr Dear Mr P If she thinks your raspberries are tart, she should try looking in the mirror occasionally! Dear Auntie Mavis My boyfriend says that he and I are like two peas in a pod, but I believe we are much too big and insufficiently round and green. What are your views? Miss Terry Novel Dear Miss Terry Have you tried getting out more?
At this time of year, people are always asking me what to do about their relationships. My answer is that I simply don't know. I'm a gardener, you silly sods, leave me alone! That said, it is generally true that insufficient attention is paid to dead-heading.
1:30 Abdul's Fence Shop Handicap Chase - race abandoned as all camels had the hump.
Following a detailed market analysis of issue-on-issue performance of Adenews over the previous four issues, and notwithstanding the total average mean, we are pleased to report a summary of our findings into reader satisfaction: (% respondents agreeing with statement)
Simple Soap: seems to work okay. Good lathering using only mild excitation **** Pears: A little sticky. Did not seem to lather at all. Rather squashy under pressure. No real cleaning power ** Imperial Leather: Again, no cleaning power. No bubbles produced despite extensive rubbing. Care needed when flicking in direction of small children and animals. Difficult to persuade emperors to part with it. * |
DISRUPTION AT ADENEWS 