|
Adenews was the world's first e-commerce-based pan-global multimedia 24 hour paradigm shift news information update service provided digitally around the globe. Launched in the 1970s as the Asynchronous Digitally Enhanced News Service by international media conglomerate Man Mountain Enterprises, Adenews has provided subscribers with a wealth of information, knowledge and up-to-the-minute tarot readings for nearly thirty years. Issue 33
Following the success of its War on Stupidity, the US has announced it will begin a war on the Irate. Speaking before the world's press, US President Mr Dubbya Money said: "Those goddamn Iratis have got it coming to them. We're going to wipe them off the face of the planet just for being goddamn Iratis. Surprise and cunning will be our chief weapons. Those goddamn Iratis won't know what goddamn hit them." A senior Shitehouse spokesperson later clarified the President's position. "We don't believe it is a good idea for anyone who is Irate to be in possession of nuclear weapons. That obviously doesn't apply to the US. We have anger management on our side." WednesdayWeek% the newly renamed consultancy arm of Man Mountain Enterprises has issued the following statement: "In common with many other public organisations, we have been accused of irregularities in our accounting practice. However, our Auditors, Shitstir PPKB Global Management PLC and Bar have assured us that, while designed to present the company in a positive light, all the accounting procedures we have used are entirely legal and above board. The practice of replacing the number 7 with the number 4,000,000,000 throughout our annual report is purely administrative and the use of the + symbol to denote a loss, while unusual, is fully explained in table VII of Annex B in four point type for maximum efficiency. The board has agreed that in future years the accounts will not be presented in Zlotys, as this could be confusing for some shareholders." After a hugely successful opening ceremony this week, the Adewealth Games have kicked off in earnest. Although the games are restricted to people called Ade who are wealthy, it is nonetheless a major international competition and not "rubbish compared to the Olympics" as some have suggested. Adenews will be providing 24 hour in-depth coverage including results, news, comment, analysis and anything else which will save us coming up with proper programmes over the next three weeks. The schedule of events is shown below:
| |
In this edition of Adenews: