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The all new on-line information service now trialing in your area in dullby widescreen surround digital multiplex animatronix superwoofer blasterbates. Issue 25 To receive Adenews in dullby widescreen surround digital multiplex animatronix superwoofer blasterbates, you will need the following plug-ins:
These plug-ins are all available at the Adenews Website and although not free, bring a host of benefits to your PC multimedia capabilities. These benefits include:
UPGRADE TODAY - YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED Note: subscribers who do not upgrade will still be able to view Adenews in the normal way without any degradation of service.
The Adenews Team of investigative journalists has uncovered an Orwellian government plot surrounding the new number plate system. From next week, new car registrations will employ a numbering system which the DVLA claims is easier to understand, but this is patently untrue. The new plates take the following format: AD ENE WS1 The DVLA claims that the first two letters reveal the location where the vehicle was purchased. B is for Birmingham and L is for London. However, they were unable to explain why Maidstone plates start with G, or Luton with K. The Adenews team has discovered secret government documents which reveal a plot to reduce overcrowding in the South East by moving Maidstone so that it sits on steel struts immediately over Guildford. This will free up the area formerly occupied by Maidstone for the building of new houses. However, Adenews has identified deep flaws in the government plans. For instance, Guildford will have no sunlight whatsoever, while the citizens of Maidstone will have a 120 foot sheer drop to tackle before they can go anywhere else. A similar plan has been uncovered to move Luton to a position immediately above Kingston on Thames. The Adenews team has not been able to explain why cars from Shrewsbury will carry number plates beginning with D, but a similar plot is suspected. Speaking for Adenews, Mr Gran R E Bred, Proprietor, said: "I didn't understand the old system, so why the hell should I care about the new one?"
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Claims that Adenews proprietor Mr Grub E Face and his wife Enya exploited the kiss-and-tell expose of Ms Fran Tikliar have been denied by their lawyer. He said that it was pure coincidence that the couple had undergone a complete makeover with digital enhancement and retouching just the day before the story broke, and the pristine six colour press releases were prepared hurriedly in the ten minutes before they were distributed. Meanwhile, despite Scotland Yard's acceptance of the Faces' story that they were rock climbing in Nepal at the time of the alleged incident, Ms Tikliar is standing by her £20,000.
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I could go on. Sir, Top ten office dares
Subscribers in Australia have been told that a Norwegian freighter sitting off the coast of Queensland filled to the gunnels with copies of Adenews will not be allowed to land on Australian soil. Australian Prime Minister, Mr Con Sernedeyebrows, said: "We already let hundreds of thousands of items of on-line information into our country every year, and we don't have to put up with this shipload of crap. While it may be true that the copies of Adenews will rot in the hold out at sea, we secretly believe that this is quite a good thing." Following UN intervention, New Zealand is thought to be considering taking the copies of Adenews on the strict understanding that no one there will actually have to read it.
You know it makes sense! Look at the savings you can make by buying your electricity, gas and telephone services from one suppler. Often you can save as much as 0.03% (based on a household which burns all its telephones in the gas fire). There are a number of companies you can go to but only one can offer a fourth essential service. That's right Adenews Global Telelectrigas can now supply your electricity, gas, telephone and on-line information update services. You get just one bill and only four bobs and your dave consumption will be cut in half (thirds in Northern Ireland). By getting all these services from one supplier, we can guarantee that one day we are bound to accidentally stick gas up your telephone socket. Yes, if you are fed up with boring reliable supply of essential services and want something altogether more entertaining, talk to Adenews Global Telelectrigas today. |
In this issue of digitally enhanced Adenews