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It turns out that the Internet is all hype so in keeping with the new mood for classic communications media, this edition of AdeNews has been hand written on papyrus using a feather and mud, transposed by a team of monks into gold leaf, scanned and digitally enhanced and only then converted to the email web-based format you see here. This will enable you to have a more rewarding and fulfilling sensory experience, while avoiding hype and falling share prices (we hope). Issue 16
The BBC has chickened out of a live debate with Adenews and ITN over who provides the best news service. Inside sources say that Michael Burke is shit scared of us and won't come out of his office until we have gone away. ITN's Devour McDoughnut said: "News coverage should speak for itself and should not be about personalities. By the way, do you like my new tie, lovey?" Speaking for Adenews, Mr Gray Ayria, proprietor, said: "It is entirely untrue that we challenged the BBC to a game of tag to see who had better viewing figures, and anyway, our desk diaries are much nicer." Mr Ayria is 4.
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From our colleagues at the Spanish version of Adenews: Los Tanfound
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In last week's spot the difference competition we printed two paragraphs that were entirely identical, removing much of the fun element of the game. We apologise to anyone who became so frustrated trying to find 10 differences that were not there, that they stuffed their pregnant girlfriend in the boot of the car and drove off the edge of a bridge. Under the terms of your subscription to Adenews, we are not liable for this error, or any consequential deaths, but nonetheless we would like to make good some of the damage by printing the correct competition below: Paragraph 1 Paragraph 2
SkimbleLab's bio-engineering incubator, triffid.com, has announced their new generation of domestic robots. Technical director for triffid.com, Evinrude Puceboot, explains: "By combining established techniques of surface-mount gene splicing, cyberacrobatoroboprosthetigenetics and political incorrectness we have been able to synthesize a unique new form of electronic domestic servant, which takes care of household chores, reminds you about forthcoming anniversaries, and ejects unwanted guests through an upstairs window, all at the touch of a button." Market research commissioned by triffid, and conducted by Skimble Statistics, revealed that 135% of US householders who own a Winniebago but rarely eat cheese, would be 37 times more likely to trust Abraham Lincoln rather than Charles Manson to take out their trash. Consequently triffid have given their robots the appearance of the 16th President of the union, and have pre-programmed it to deliver extracts from the Gettysburg address in a soothing voice during moments of crisis. Owing to an unfortunate misunderstanding between the marketing and development departments, the first generation of robots are over 35 feet tall, and incapable of motion, being permanently confined to sit in an enormous marble chair. "Ours is a very young industry", blathers Puceboot, "so we have decided to make as many mistakes as possible early on." Stock in triffid.com is at an all time low, and is currently being used for lagging pipes. Major shareholder and horseshoe magnate, Lord McFloog of McFloog, is reported to have said: "Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation...", before leaping from the window ledge. President Lincoln's beard is 192. |
TV debate