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Pedants' Special: The first issue of the third millennium. Issue 15 In this issue of AdeNews
After days of speculation over a £0.02 donation to Adenews, multimillionaire Lord Broog McFloog of McFloog has admitted that he was the source. He said that the funds are intended to help Adenews cover the next election against stiff opposition from rival information sources and that the size of the donation reflected the scale on which he expected Adenews to mount its campaign. Speaking on behalf of Adenews, Mr Grieve Uslyinjured, proprieter, said: "Adenews has come to rely less and less on the Unions, since none of them has ever given us a penny. Donations from millionaires are now our only hope of survival. Lord McFloog's donation has been spent wisely at the Twist and Shout just round the corner." Press speculation about the donation has highlighted the whole issue of online news information source funding, and many (mostly Mr Uslyinjured) have called for the taxpayer to foot the bill.
President-elect of the USA George Dubya has appointed key advisors in consultation with a large shrub. This is the thought to be the first time that a bush has been involved in selecting the cabinet (please check these facts - Ed). The full line-up is as follows: Health - Rev Abe Orshin - extreme right wing Republican. Anti-abortionist. Thought to favour babies being born and then stewed overnight before being served as a nutritious meal for God-fearing folk. Environment - Billy-Bob "Flame the Pigeons" McTexaco - extreme right wing Southern Democrat. Oil man who believes that if God had intended for there to be seagulls, he would never have invented oil slicks. Policy on Alaska - thought to favour shooting everything that moves. Foreign Affairs - Cozy Powell - extreme seventies rock group now mostly dead. Thought to have slightly better grasp on foreign affairs than George Dubya and tipped as likely future president. Interior Affairs - Fran Leigh Values - extreme right wing antifeminist, antimale, antitank, anticyclone. Passionate about zero tolerance, particularly when it comes to ethnic minorities and unwanted dinner party guests. Education - Bile B Thumper - on the extreme right wing of the extreme right. Believes books are Satan's work and that the best education comes from lining children up and hitting them with God's good sticks. Defence - General Pattonwo Softashite - on the extreme right wing of the Army. Believes US Navy is an insidious terrorist threat to militocracy and plans huge spending on a satellite system to "track down the pinko bastas and nuke them out of history!!!"
The hype surrounding the millennium bug seems a distance memory, but as pedants are keen to point out, the new millennium did not, in fact, start until the beginning of this year, which means that many organisations which rely on computer technology could b%~@£$%^& *&^$!"( &(&(($ &^Y*&&^" ^&*^*&^*" !!"(*&£^%$() ()&(*£ H(*£^("(* &(^^$)*("& ^*&^*$&&&%$(& &^*£%!%%( $& *&^$!" &*&Y*^
Adenews is planning a special edition to celebrate the last real American President, Abraham Lincoln. This edition will be dubbed Abenews. Contributions are welcome.
The two paragraphs below are apparently identical, but if you look carefully you can find ten subtle differences. Huge prizes available to anyone who can spot all ten. Apply Adenews, The Quints, Quonts. Paragraph 1 Paragraph A |
McFloog admits donation